What Happens When We Need Validation
I find it funny how there are so many lessons to learn in almost every situation we encounter.
Recently you may have noticed that I launched my new rebrand, KickLighter.
As with any new start to something there can typically be glitches. Last week was just that in regards to launching and then I heard nothing through my email. Not that I was expecting anything, but something seemed odd that I hadn’t received one message. My intuition kept telling me to look into my new email settings. There it was, my email stopped working for some odd reason when previously it had been.
The mixed feelings I had during those 24 hours of no email fascinated me though. Putting myself out there in what felt like a new way had me feeling vulnerable and to hearing no response had me questioning myself - did I miss the mark, does everyone dislike what I’m offering? Then the next wave of thoughts washed over me wondering why I felt like I needed validation for what I was doing if it made me happy.
Surely, I’m not the only one who has felt this way of wanting validation for putting ourselves out there? Whether it’s asking someone on a date, going for a new job, being vulnerable with our feelings, I think we all can agree that we hope there is some acceptance from someone on what we are doing.
The perfectionist in me was hoping everything would go off without a hitch. I hated that an essential thing (email) wasn’t working correctly, yet grateful it happened that way. It helped me solidify even more the work I want to be doing because I know how this helps others and no one can take that away from me based on their approval or lack thereof. What bothered me most about it was if someone had reached out then I had no way of knowing to be able to send a proper reply.
Because as it turns out the validation from others wasn’t actually what I was seeking or needing - it was the validation from within myself.
Looking outside of yourself for validation is a sure fire way to hand your personal power over to others. It puts the ball in their court and in their judgment and perception leaving you questioning yourself and how you feel. As a highly sensitive person you may rely heavily on needing others approval because not many of us have been trained to trust our gut, but to rely on others around us who appear far more confident than how we feel.
Solidifying our validation for ourselves becomes a crucial part in the work I do with others. That piece alone can call in so much empowerment into your spirit, and your confidence levels rise.
So I’m curious, is there something you are holding back on doing out of fear of not receiving the validation you are hoping for? If so, what are you looking to have validated? And what would it look like to give this to yourself first?